I crossed the line 12s in front of the peloton, won the final stage, and finished 4 th in GC, just a mere 1s off the podium. Just so you know, even that win the race, still are doubting themselves.
You attack on heightened emotions, but then you silence your voices inside, and you commit in a cold hearted fashion. It could have been sweat dripping down my face, or it could have been tears that briefly shadowed my vision, but this moment touched me and suddenly I could feel all the emotions that I had been suffocating throughout the effort. The moto came alongside me as I darted through tiny roads in the Belgium countryside and through towns and over bridges, to tell me that my team was racing strong and smart because they believed in me. The team rode beautifully and when I escaped solo with 36k to go, they put their faith in my ability to win the race. With 3 of us entering the final day within the top 10, Optum had no shortage of options and tactics we could employ. We are getting comfortable drafting each other even in our sleep. I considered this TTT training, or maybe it was because our accommodations had 6 girls in one room on 3 pairs of bunk beds. The team was racing well and 5 of the 6 riders placed in the top 15 in the TT. 4 stages and many kilometers of cobbles on every day. The race was the BeNe Ladies Tour which precariously balances between the border of the Netherlands and Belgium. It gives us endless opportunities to learn and grow, and maybe compose the occasional poetry. Regardless of how philosophical I become or what I can endure, sport is an allegory to life. So many people put up with a lot more than the possibility of a bruised ego or burning legs. Don’t even get me started on the how this pales in comparison to life outside of sport. Those warriors around you have also put their mind over matter, taken risk, ignored the pain, made rash decisions, and kept reality on call waiting to accomplish something of note as well. Just when you think you have surmounted an incredible mental hurdle to finish the race, make the front group, or perhaps even win, you look around and realize that you really are not that special. You dip into that cave and then quickly try to ignore everything you just discovered and hit the mute button to regain focus. The painful places of depth that you go while racing allow you to explore your insecurities, motivation, and courage, even if you don’t want to. This latest race had me writing a haiku of the emotional roller coaster in that resounded in staccato notes within my head. There is something about bike racing that either kills brain cells or it makes you a philosopher.
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